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i – Poetry by Namrata Singh

i keep my i small 
allowing it to sit on the rustic fence of life 
inhaling the dalliance of the zephyr, the daisies, and the daffodils  
knowing well, any time it can teeter and fall
by words and worry, anger and anxiety. 
 
that our hearts with their entangled crimson arteries 
have an even more entangled life-
mysterious and mischievous
We can never be too sure, too certain of its beats.
One time black metal, and the other time lullabies.  
 
i keep my i small
the path on which I walk wasn't carved out only for me
The medallion sun did not single me out for bees' bounties
millions have walked on the stony ballast, 
winning and losing their valuable something along
million will continue to traverse long after I have ended my song
 
The small i in me makes room for mistakes
 i know i am capable of and i am sure i did commit 
Indisputably so
that while i can present, i can also paralyze
while i can dream, i can also destroy
while i can conceive, i can also contrive
while i can provide, i can also deprive.
 
it is this small i that scoots a bit
making room for apologies that stitch and salve
believing I don't know it all and never will 
a blindspot will accompany while I cruise, 
always someone more sage, more sapient, more sharp.
 
this whacky i suffers from poor eyesight, 
i often blend the brown, the black, the beige
convinced that they are merely colors and not the character
convinced they are merely the paint and not the painter
and respect and dignity are a tax benefits i was born with
no matter my income, my status, my wealth. 
my i allows space to accept what doesn't look like me
allowing space to slip into the shoes of those who don't live like me.
 
this small i is limited in my limitless possibilities
 an aperture that allows life to float and flow
between the sanctions, offering a sanctuary
speeding up is sometimes is going slow
 


i could be at peace only if i stop wanting more all the time
only to later discard and destroy
that a drop of sweet contentment is all it takes 
to encash the cryptocurrency of joy
 
in the masterful montage of what we call life
are the two bad actors - perfection and completeness
the promise and the peril of the impostors, the small i know
for neither anything ever is perfect nor is anything ever complete
to flourish is to be in transit
From one breath to another, one hug to another, 
One sorry to another, one love to another,
until the movement stops...
and then everything begins again. 
Namrata Singh

Namrata is a contributing author and an essayist to some of India's leading platforms- Literoma, Women's Web, Women's Era, Kitaab International, Readomania, Momspresso, ArtoonsInn, Penmancy, and more. She has four books to her credit- No Apologies by Women's Web, Lovers and Losers by Momspresso, Immortality by Chinmaya Publications, and I am what I am again by Chinmaya Publications. Poetry is her first love, and one can often find her lost in the wilderness of words. She resides in Irvine with her family and her poetry books.

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